So, I just become a single girl (again) recently. My boyfriend broke up with me couple weeks ago. Beside that I'm being a real jerk and b*tch (I cheated on him and lie to him many times), one of the reason he broke up with me is because he's going to propose to his girlfriend, his real girlfriend, anytime soon. And believe me, he's not the bad guy in this story. And as you may conclude, yes... I was the 2nd girlfriend.
Actually I've been in this situation twice. Couple years ago, there's this one boyfriend of mine that broke up with me because he's going to marry his first girlfriend. It hurts me so bad, it broke me. But then thank God I finally realized that he's just a douche. After a second chance to know him, I finally realized that he might not love me this all along. Well, he's not going to be the center of this story though.
As you guys may assume, yes I'm that stupid. Because I am aware of falling into the same hole over again. Before we're dating, I already know that he already has a girlfriend and they've dating for quite a long time. But as I mentioned above, I just be the b*tch and date him anyway.
When I date him, in my deepest heart I really hope that he would somehow broke up with his girlfriend so I could be the only one. And we can have our happily ever after fairy tale story. But in the other hand, deep down inside I know that it is impossible. I mean.. who am I? But well.. I know my place.. I don't want to ask him to choose, I know he would not choose me.No matter how much he loves me, as he may say.
They say when you are in love, you will do some silly stupid thing for the people you love. Or just to be with the people you love. So, maybe this could justified my action? I love him so much that I don't even care whether I'm gonna be the first or the second or the third or whatever. As long as I can spend times with him, I'm happy. As long as I know that he also loves me, even though we could never be together forever, I'm happy. As long as he is happy, I'm happy.
As much as I want him to be mine, to be only mine, I always pray to God to give him what's best for him, to give me what's best for me. Well then... I guess this isn't the best for either one of us. As people said to comfort me after the break up, God have plans for you. God have a greater plan for you. Don't you worry, there's gotta be a better guy for you outside. Yeah.. somewhere in this universe.
The time when he broke up with me, I was really devastated. I was really broken. I was really hurt. I never get hit by a big truck before, but I know that this hurts much worse. At least if u got hit by a big truck, there's a big chance that you'd die right away right. So, it won't be painful. And it hurts even worse when he told me that he's going to propose his girl real soon. Actually, near the time of my birthday, when I was actually expected to spend time with my love one. But well... I still wish him the best anyway. I'd pray for his plan to go well, and he can be happy with his future wife. At least I know that he would be in a good hand. At least I know that he will be with a good girl. With a girl that he loves, and loves him back. With a girl that makes him happy. Most importantly, she's not a jerk like me. Sometimes, when you gotta let go of something you really love, it's just bring a little relieve if you know that they'll be in good hands. That they'll be well taking care of. That that's actually better for them. Although deep down inside, I still pray for a little hope so that he'd be mine, I just know that it's impossible. I'd still pray for him though. For the best for him. I always pray for all the people I love, and I still really love him.
I don't know will love ever fade away? I actually don't believe if love can fade away. I mean, if you really love that person, the love will still always there, still linger. I will still always love him, he will always still have a part of my heart (of maybe all of it, I don't know). And he knows it, he knows it really well. I will actually move on, someday, at some point. Just not now. Well... I always tell myself that I might not get marry to someone that I love or love that much. And now, I know who'll always have my heart. Who's the one that got away :)
To the man of my life, to the one that got away, if you are reading this, know that you'll always be the one :) I love you so much. I always will. But you don't need to worry about me. Go ahead and chase your happy future, your bright future with your future wife. I'll always be here for you whenever you need me. I'll always be here for you until you decided that you don't need me anymore. I'll be happy, don't worry. I'm always happy when you are happy. It hurts, it is really hurts now. But just like a fresh wound, it will eventually heal and I'll be okay. Eventually :):):)
And I'm so sorry for making you sad, and hurts, and broke your heart. Terribly sorry.
I miss you so bad,
Though we've only been together for a short 6 months, but that was the happiest 6 months of my life. And I thank you for that
Love,
The Girl that you once (or maybe still) love
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